Frequently Asked Questions
What will my couples session be like?
Your first session will last 75 minutes, and will involve gathering background information, and assessment of presenting problems. This will be followed by an individual session for each partner. During these sessions we will work on gathering more individual background information, and an individual assessment of needs. After these first three sessions, we will begin our regular weekly sessions which will typically be 60 minutes. Each session is an opportunity for you to discuss any issues that have arisen during the week. Sometimes this will mean addressing current life events or crisis, other times this will mean checking in on the goals we have established for the couple. In these sessions, you are an active participant, and I will take on the role of a coach that helps you learn how to fix your relationship. It is also important that we discuss the things that are going well in your relationship, so we can further expound upon them.
How long does therapy last?
The length of time that is needed for therapy is completely dependent on you, the magnitude of the presenting problems, and your progress in therapy. I always remind my clients that the problems that brought them to therapy did not develop overnight, they should not expect them to change overnight. That being said, it is absolutely my goal for my clients to not need therapy, and we will decrease the frequency of our appointments, and terminate as soon as it feels appropriate.
How often will we meet?
Making permanent and lasting changes is hard, and takes time. I always require a commitment of at least one time a week, in the beginning of our work together. With individuals this can mean via tele-therapy or in person. Of course, all of this depends on the nature of the issue that has brought you to therapy. The more chronic and deep seeded the issue, the more intense the treatment will be. Once it feels appropriate, we will decrease our sessions to every other week, and then once a month, before terminating.
Doesn’t being in therapy mean were going to break-up?
No! Being in therapy means you care enough about your relationship to make it better. You are limited in solving on-going problems to the skills that you have been taught. This typically means that you continue to have the same arguments, and issues over and over. The couple that wants to solve these problems and have a better relationship are the ones I see in therapy. It is true that some couples break-up after couples therapy, but usually these break-ups are more amicable.
I really don’t want to hear that it is all my fault, will the feedback be even?
This is always a struggle in couple’s therapy. You have spent so long defending yourself to your partner before deciding to try therapy, the last thing you want is to be told that you are the problem. I view most issues in the relationship in terms of a dynamic. These issues developed due to a pattern of interaction between the individuals in the relationship. This means each couple has a part in the development and maintenance of the problems. Although, I believe that most problems in the relationship are typically close to fifty-fifty responsibility, I also ask individuals to be ready to take responsibility for their part. We will spend a lot of time talking about how to leave their ego behind, and focus on the greater good- developing a positive relationship.